June 15, 2006

How to Prepare for Online Dating

How to Prepare for Online Dating

You've been thinking about joining an online dating website but something is keeping you from pushing that JOIN button. Maybe you haven't pushed that button yet because you haven't prepared yourself. If so, then sit back and take a moment to see where you're at with the whole concept of online dating.

Dating, whether online or by traditional methods, is a huge step for many people, not just for those who are shy. Some people have never dated before. Others who are newly single may not have been part of the dating scene for many years. Others have had one bad experience after another and are trying to deal with issues of self-doubt or self-worth.

Whether or not you see yourself in any of these examples, it's important that you have an idea of what you want to get out of online dating. Knowing these answers will help you write a more effective profile and when your profile reflects your wants and needs, you won't waste time on others who are looking for something entirely different.

Are You Ready to Date Online?

That's the very first question you need to answer. If your heart and your head aren't in this, then don't start yet. You'll waste your time as well as that of other members. And if the online dating site costs money to join, you'll waste your money, too.

Maybe you aren't ready to 'date' but you are ready for companionship. That's an important realization because you will likely find others online who are seeking companionship, too. The interesting thing about companionship, however, is that people differ in their definition of companionship. Dates with no strings attached and even casual one-night-stands are both definitions of 'companionship'. So if you're looking for a shoulder to cry on or someone to play Bingo with, make sure your intentions are clear.

What Qualities do you Seek?

Besides a particular eye and hair color, think about the qualities you are looking for in a mate. Here it's important to think about more than physical attributes. Is your perfect soul mate someone who skis or surfs or who loves to putter in the garden? Can the person be recently divorced or widowed, or would you prefer someone new to the game of love? Is there a limit as to how old of a person you're willing to date or how young for that matter? Should a mate share similar interests or will someone with differing interests better suit your needs?

Define Your Online Dating Goals

Finally, ask yourself about your desired end results of your efforts. Are you looking for a long-term commitment that could ultimately lead to marriage? Do you seek friendship? Will a long-distance relationship be acceptable? Even though you answer all of the above questions, it doesn't mean that your wants can't change as you make your way through the online dating scene. These answers just give you a starting point. After all, your ultimate destination really is all about the journey!

Posted by OnlineDating at 08:32 PM | Comments (0)

June 12, 2006

How to Fail at Online Dating

Being too shy

Many people think that online dating is a wonderful way for people who are shy to date. Well guess what? Being shy online will lead to just as many failed attempts at dating as it does in the offline world. If you don't want to fail at online dating, you've got to come out of your shell.

Being passive rather than active - This is different than being shy. Passive daters are not fully committed to the idea of online dating. They approach it with half of their attention and most don't commit to a paid membership which puts everyone at a disadvantage. Regardless of the reason for your passivity, whether you're indecisive, fear rejection or are just too lazy, failing at online dating will be a blow to your ego.

Cutting and pasting your replies

Some people will see through this masked attempt at originality. This type of correspondence is impersonal and if it's all you've got time for, then perhaps you don't really have enough time for dating. If you do this because you're not good with words, then read how others respond to your messages and use these as guides. Nobody likes a form letter, especially when they're looking for romance.

Sounding negative or arrogant

No one wants to talk to someone who is a downer or just the opposite, someone who cannot stop talking about him/herself. Keep your negative experiences to yourself. You're starting anew and there is no need to drag your past into your future. And a successful relationship is a two-way relationship. If you do all the talking, it won't ever develop into anything more than a one-way dead end.

Making overt or borderline sexually harassing comments

Asking questions that are too personal or offering up blunt descriptions of what you think is an almost guaranteed way to scare off your prospective dates. Plus doing so could put your membership in jeopardy.

Lying about your relationship status

You'll get away with this type of lie for some period, but ultimately, always, this type of lie will come back to bite you and it will hurt either you or the person you're involved with.

Lying about your real looks

It's tempting to use photo enhancement tools to make your photo more alluring. Plenty of online daters do this. Or they post a photo that is 10 or so years old. Whether your photo isn't an accurate representation, or whether the words you use to describe your physical appearance are exaggerated, lying about your looks is another reason people fail at online dating.

Corresponding only with the 'Hotties'

You've got just as much chance getting hooked up with the person behind the stunning image as you do if you saw that person at a trendy nightclub – slim to none. That person will be bombarded with email and the chances of finding yours AND finding yours interesting are slim. Get back to reality or online dating will never work for you!

Posted by OnlineDating at 05:54 AM | Comments (0)